Networking Horrors

I have been away from my blog for a while, but I have been actively networking over a broad front. Regrettably I am amazed to learn that networking is still misunderstood by so many people. I have suffered through my fill of ineffective networking adventures this year. It would seem that there is still a vast misunderstanding as to how effective networking is accomplished. Admittedly, some of the mistakes were mine so this and future posts will be of interest to those of you who are playing the role of middle-man in the networking equation. Let's hope that my misadventures in networking will be useful learning opportunities for you. The Lawyers Wife…also an Attorney. Early this year an attorney friend called to tell me that his wife needed help in her job search. My friend’s wife, let’s call her Jane, is also an attorney in her late 20’s. She had just lost her job due to the economic downturn and was looking to reconnect, possibly with a Law Firm. Jane had completed several years of experience practicing Corporate Law for a major company. My friend admitted that Jane was an inexperienced net-worker. I had never met Jane but I arranged a lunch with Sallie, a well-connected networking partner who I knew could be a very helpful. Big mistake. We agreed to meet at a popular Asian Bistro near Sallie’s office which was convenient to us all. My strategy was to let the ladies get to know one another and do the talking. My friend and I would provide moral support and offer other up other lines of discussion. It seemed like the optimal gender-based strategy. Our luncheon meeting started off pleasant enough. Introductions were made and pleasantries exchanged. Taking the lead, Sallie asked Jane to talk a little about her interests and the direction she wanted to take her career. Sallie did an excellent job of drawing Jane out. In fact, Jane was a fountain of information about her interest in moving into Environmental Law. Not really an area where she had experience but a clear passion for a young, idealist. We all listened, made mental notes, and began thinking about connections that might be helpful to Jane. We were at the high point of our lunch. So, we now have some sense as to how we might be helpful to Jane. At this point, being the good net-worker and mentor I know Sallie to be, she begins offering ideas and thoughts as to where she might help Jane with connections. A good networking meeting can be a bit of a brain-storming activity. A lot of options are put on the table without prejudice. Sorting, evaluating, and rationalizing those options into an action plan is saved for a later time. Remember, we were still getting to know one another. It was obvious that Jane did not understand brain-storming either as each and every thought proposed by Sallie was immediately discarded. Sallie did not show her mounting frustration, however, knowing her as well as I do, and gauging my frustration level, I realized this to be a wasted effort. Jane's first impression was not positive. Our luncheon meeting ended earlier than it might. It wasn't cut short, but there was little interest in extending the visit for more in-depth conversation. As we parted everyone was pleasant and Jane was gracious in her appreciation. Sallie agreed to get back to Jane with some further thoughts and possible connections. Later, Sallie and I recapped our luncheon via phone. The bottom line was that Sallie was not too interested in making connections for Jane as she viewed her involvement as a high-risk effort. I could only agree. The networking efforts for Jane ended there. My mistake was the elimination of a crucial step, meeting Jane first. Had I done so I would have been in a better position to understand her needs from a networking skills perspective. I cannot fault Jane for her lack of sound networking skills as her husband, my friend, had already advised me of same. The mistake was mine. A good re-learning experience for me, to be sure! The learning: For those of you looking to help someone in their networking efforts, especially friends and relatives, you must understand your responsibility in this endeavor. You must spend enough time with that person to ensure that she is ready to engage in a successful networking meeting. If you want to help an inexperienced net-worker, you must take the role of mentor and coach. This role will help to ensure that the novice net-worker has the basic skills and understanding of the objective. The last thing you want to do is waste the precious time of a valued networking contact. Otherwise, you risk diminishing your own credibility as someone who can make useful connections. Fortunately, my credibility balance sheet with Sallie was and is still very strong. The experience was soon forgiven, and gave us fodder for amusing small talk over cocktails. And the experience gave more subject matter for this blog. Be on the look-out for another post in the next few weeks. That Subject is The Middle-aged Salesman. Happy New Year!